an old man sits on a bench in the woods. He stares into the distance, but really the guy is just looking back. Next to him is a branch that has been promoted to walking stick. Two gray eyebrows come together on top of a nose that is full of red veins. "You are allowed to sit next to me, you know, but I have made my decision," the old man says.
         "What decision?"
    "I do not want to live anymore"
          "Are you therefore wearing winter clothing during a heat wave?"
  "Yes, I thought it might dehydrate me faster"
          "Are you in a lot of pain?"
    "No, I have no pain. People with pain always whine about the fact that they are in pain pain, but I nag just because I have no pain. I have a right to have pain. My pain. Pain is a human right."
          "How old are you"
    "91. My body is still working and my head is still fine. You know how inhuman that is. Old with a functioning brain.  Forty years ago I had everything. Absolutely everything, but I mainly had the most beautiful girl the world. People your age would now show a picture on the screen of their phones, but I have no phone. I have no one to call."
           "Describe her to me with words instead"
 "My wife worked in a pastry shop. When she stood in front of my door I could smell her. She never needed to ring the bell. Waffles , whipped puffs and cream slices, I found it a real shame every time she took a shower. She had dark brown curls to her tailbone . A cape of dark chocolate. And those eyes. Green like pistachio ice cream. she was so beautiful. Actually she was far too pretty for me, but back then she let me float on clouds.Then she died. Are you someone who thinks that time heals all wounds? "
          "No, I'm one of those who keeps scratching the wounds open"
"Thank god. Time does not heal anything. I still miss my wife each day. For twenty years. That's more than seven thousand days. I still smell her hairbrush every day. Sometimes I spray her perfume on my pillow before i go to bed and I just wake up with an erection."

"I'm 91. And now I long for death as much as I desire her. Once my nephew was on his deathbed, when I  asked what he had wanted to become he said "Gray".  I'm gray now and I wish i was him.
          "Athletes often say that the race is the most beautiful when you can see the finish line. Is life even at its            best when you can see the death?"
"No life is best when everything fits. Do you understand? Life was custom made for me, and yet it eventually has become unbearable. Life is best when you get the giggles  together in a hotel room in South Africa . life is best when you can still make memories. Life is best when you are not dead yet.

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