Darren had been on an expensive two week cruise to the Caribbean in mid-September. A week after returning home, he visited his sisters anniversary and forced six other guests to look through all of his 156 photos . A minute later he was lying in his chair with barely any signs of life left, much to the relief of the guests.
Read More »
It is winter and the garbage is piling up outside your door, since the garbage truck did not show up this week. You call the company and ask why they haven't been around. A staff member replies that it is winter meaning that its very cold and due to this the hands of the garbage men freeze. "How did you do that last year then?" You ask the employee. "We didn't," he says. "And all the years before then?" The employee replies that the company was founded 75 years ago and every winter they have the same problem. "Have you ever thought about gloves?" You ask him. The employee does not understand what you are trying to say and hangs up the phone.
Read More »
krungrlrummkrr!!!!
It seemed as if his stomach was trying to tell him something, soon he realized what it was.
It was Friday morning right now.
By this time the wedding cake was probably already waiting on the pavement outside.
Rosie turned on her back and with it went the last piece of cloth from his abdomen. This was a sign, or at least it was just convenient.
Read More »
It seemed as if his stomach was trying to tell him something, soon he realized what it was.
It was Friday morning right now.
By this time the wedding cake was probably already waiting on the pavement outside.
Rosie turned on her back and with it went the last piece of cloth from his abdomen. This was a sign, or at least it was just convenient.
There was nothing that Antony could do. His wife made sure that there was never anything that he could secretly eat at night. She had put him on a diet: a diet that besides fat also burned his life spirit. In recent weeks, the only food in the house Rosie had allowed were the ingredients for her minimalist evening meals, which only function it seemed was to show what their plates looked like again.
The underlying reason for this diet was the wedding of Antony's sister Betty, which took place today. Rosie and Betty had a common hobby that they exercised regularly: hate each other for no apparent reason. It was hard for Antony that his sister and his wife could not get along with each other, which made him spent much of his life energy to nuance childish comments, trivialize mean glances and control squabbles over issues like meeting times and sauces.
Read More »
The underlying reason for this diet was the wedding of Antony's sister Betty, which took place today. Rosie and Betty had a common hobby that they exercised regularly: hate each other for no apparent reason. It was hard for Antony that his sister and his wife could not get along with each other, which made him spent much of his life energy to nuance childish comments, trivialize mean glances and control squabbles over issues like meeting times and sauces.
"krungrlrummkrr?", his stomach asked.
Antony sat up in bed and hungrily looked at the crust of tomato soup on
his wife's sleeping face.
"It contains all kinds of natural antioxidants and is awfully full
of moisturizing ingredients," Rosie had told him in the bathroom
last night. He was brushing his teeth, she stood next to him with her hand in a
can of cheap Asda tomato soup. It was the only food there was in the house.
"fitgirl76 posted on the forum of 4everbeauty, that it provides a natural
protection for the moisture that normally covers your skin and other stuff like
that, "she continued. Antony was no longer surprised by his wife's beauty
obsession, and uninterested spat tooth paste from his mouth over pieces of bean
sprouts in the sink.
I saw a dirty grin emerging on the puppet-man's face,
he came close to my ear again and whispered: you see, my friend,
i`m holding the cards, i will drag you out of your comfort zone,
turn you upside down. You'll lose this one, baby...ghehehe
I felt an accelerating desire to grab this persisting teaser and
throw him and all his puppets into space...
... so he floats there waiting, maybe not,
let him feel how strange my heart is!
i cant take a risk, he has the one-click-option to block me on this bumpy road
`you are so desperate to weaken, but not this time...in this fantasy we will collide!` he whispers
You got carried away, I told you, my friend.
`Get lost`, I yelled, but as always he had disappeared in time.....
Read More »
he came close to my ear again and whispered: you see, my friend,
i`m holding the cards, i will drag you out of your comfort zone,
turn you upside down. You'll lose this one, baby...ghehehe
I felt an accelerating desire to grab this persisting teaser and
throw him and all his puppets into space...
... so he floats there waiting, maybe not,
let him feel how strange my heart is!
i cant take a risk, he has the one-click-option to block me on this bumpy road
`you are so desperate to weaken, but not this time...in this fantasy we will collide!` he whispers
You got carried away, I told you, my friend.
`Get lost`, I yelled, but as always he had disappeared in time.....
Jesse is standing in a very humid metro, a pram pressing against his heels and his nose just a microbe away from a sweaty armpit. The only thing he can think of is his couch and the last season of Game of Thro...
'Oh my god, No way? I already thought I recognized you!` The fat ex of a friend , he deliberately ignored for years (because he told him; he doesn't like star wars) , is starting 'a chat' with him.
Jesse`s head buzzes, he tries to keep his balance but then, her words thunder through his ears `Wanna go for a quick coffee?` black spots start dancing in front of his eyes and he says the only thing he can think of right there and then.
`Ann, I do not know you at all, you were just some fatty I occasionally saw because eight years ago you were fucking a friend of mine, who i now no longer speak and I want to keep it like that.` Jesse smiles at her as he exits the metro.
Read More »
'Oh my god, No way? I already thought I recognized you!` The fat ex of a friend , he deliberately ignored for years (because he told him; he doesn't like star wars) , is starting 'a chat' with him.
Jesse`s head buzzes, he tries to keep his balance but then, her words thunder through his ears `Wanna go for a quick coffee?` black spots start dancing in front of his eyes and he says the only thing he can think of right there and then.
`Ann, I do not know you at all, you were just some fatty I occasionally saw because eight years ago you were fucking a friend of mine, who i now no longer speak and I want to keep it like that.` Jesse smiles at her as he exits the metro.
Walters grandmother passed away and just like all the other grandchildren it is expected of him to say a few sweet words during the funeral ceremony. Walter was always seen as the creative one of the family and had exquisitely prepared and neatly printed out his funeral oration. However on his way to the ceremony this neatly printed speech got completely ruined by a ,quite fittingly; sad shower.
Luckily for Walter he was such a perfectionist that he had a copy of his speech on his email. After a heartbreaking clarinet solo by his five year old nephew Sam, he grievously walks forward..
he stands behind the lectern, adjusts the microphone to the right height, grabs his phone out of his pocket, swipes his finger across the screen to switch off the lock and...
right at that moment it continuous playing Barely legal Backdoor Banging , the movie he watched in the restroom just before the ceremony as he tried to jerk away some of his anxiety.
The microphone picks up the moaning, just like the moist smacking of enthusiastic sweaty-hips against the barely legal rear mentioned in the title.
Walters grandmother rises up from her coffin and shakes her head disappointed.
Rick has had a tough couple of months. His father deceased due to a wound on his side and his younger brother committed suicide out of grief shortly after the funeral.
Ricks picture of life changed.He was suddenly aware that death was always lurking.
His fear of death grew out of proportions;
He avoided the busy London traffic as much as possible and even panicked as he walked past the meat aisle in the supermarket.
Eventually he removed all sharp and other potentially dangerous object from his house.
He no longer came outside.
Nobody understood Rick.
No one except his childhood friend Frank. Frank helped Rick to come out again, helped him to learn to accept that death is simple a part of life.That the fear of death is a greater enemy than death itself.
When Rick was a little better, he asked Frank to go on a stroll through the busy centre of London, the traffic he had so long shunned.`i want to thank you, Frank. you were there for me.
You were the only one who took the trouble of understanding me. As a token of my appreciation i will buy you a Kebab` he smiled.`Kebap` replied Frank, to indicate that his pedantry was stronger than his respect for this special moment of gratitude.
Rick pushed Frank in front of a passing tram and while he heard the bones of his childhood friend snap under the speed and weight of the vehicle, he knew that death no longer frightened him.
Read More »
Ricks picture of life changed.He was suddenly aware that death was always lurking.
His fear of death grew out of proportions;
He avoided the busy London traffic as much as possible and even panicked as he walked past the meat aisle in the supermarket.
Eventually he removed all sharp and other potentially dangerous object from his house.
He no longer came outside.
Nobody understood Rick.
No one except his childhood friend Frank. Frank helped Rick to come out again, helped him to learn to accept that death is simple a part of life.That the fear of death is a greater enemy than death itself.
When Rick was a little better, he asked Frank to go on a stroll through the busy centre of London, the traffic he had so long shunned.`i want to thank you, Frank. you were there for me.
You were the only one who took the trouble of understanding me. As a token of my appreciation i will buy you a Kebab` he smiled.`Kebap` replied Frank, to indicate that his pedantry was stronger than his respect for this special moment of gratitude.
Rick pushed Frank in front of a passing tram and while he heard the bones of his childhood friend snap under the speed and weight of the vehicle, he knew that death no longer frightened him.
Henry and Irma were in their wheelchairs being rolled back into their room by two of their grandchildren. They were married for 75 years now and had just come from the anniversary celebration in the downstairs dining room of their nursery home Alton Manor. It had been really enjoyable and crowded with family and friends.
`Irma`, Henry began when the grandchildren had left, `ultimately all those people mean nothing to me compared to you. you are the one person for whom i get out of bed every morning, you and no one else`.
Irma looked at her husband with tears in her eyes `oh Henry` she replied in a trembling voice full of emotion, `for me it is the same with you by my side, i am sure no one is happier than i do`
`than i am` Henry corrected her, freeing the whole conversation of all the spontaneous beauty it had possessed.
He saw his wife roll her wheelchair out of the room immediately and never saw her again.
he died ten days later of sloppy inserted intravenous therapy.
Read More »
`Irma`, Henry began when the grandchildren had left, `ultimately all those people mean nothing to me compared to you. you are the one person for whom i get out of bed every morning, you and no one else`.
Irma looked at her husband with tears in her eyes `oh Henry` she replied in a trembling voice full of emotion, `for me it is the same with you by my side, i am sure no one is happier than i do`
`than i am` Henry corrected her, freeing the whole conversation of all the spontaneous beauty it had possessed.
He saw his wife roll her wheelchair out of the room immediately and never saw her again.
he died ten days later of sloppy inserted intravenous therapy.
Sarah lay in her bed, she was exhausted.She had hardly slept that night, because this evening she would leave for Ghana to do five months of voluntary work. All night she had been thinking about Amponsakrom, a poor village where people still lived in huts made of their own poop.
she was going to dig a well for them, it would be a gem on her resume. Without that kind of nonsense on a piece of paper you could forget about getting a job nowadays.
she was going to dig a well for them, it would be a gem on her resume. Without that kind of nonsense on a piece of paper you could forget about getting a job nowadays.
About
-
Professional restless drifter. Semi-professional couchpotato.
Amateur advice giver.
I sometimes try to be funny, I fail.
OH.. I also attempt to write stuff.
Search
© Copyright Story-Time. All rights reserved.
Blogger Templates | Free Wordpress Templates. presents HD TV Watch Futurama Online. Featured on Singapore Wedding Favors.
brought to you by Smashing Magazine