The stairs to get there were the longest I had ever seen. Two floors straight up. I asked her if she was going to carry me upstairs. She laughed about that. I had never seen a house that was divided in this way, but according to her, this was quite normal in this city. Not long after I practically moved in with her.
In front of the apartment was a streetlight. A gray one that you see everywhere. It spread its light right into the living room. In the beginning we kept our lights off, we fell asleep together on the sofa in the orange light. As I cycled through the street at night I looked up to see if the curtains at the third light were still open. It was as if we were going to stay out every night. It was how it felt for me at least.
Over time, we hardly slept downstairs anymore. We'd rather just go to bed. There was a moment when I realized that I unthinkingly closed the curtains when it became dark outside. While I waited until she came home, I tried to figure out how long ago that had been the case. Then I heard the front door. In my head I practiced what I wanted to say again.
She lay on the couch with one leg, her back half on the seat and half against the backrest. She looked at the ceiling as I tried to talk to her. Only when I didn't say anything anymore she looked at me and asked if I was finished. I nodded and looked down at my hands. I had only stopped talking to see if she was listening to what I said, but I did not tell her that. She pulled herself to her feet and slapped onto her thighs with her hands. "Alright," she said and stood up. She walked out of the room. Then I heard her go up the stairs. With each step it became quieter in the house. It was hard for me not to run after her. I had long thought that as long as I stayed close to her, she would stay close to me. I no longer tried to think that.
I sat down on the couch and let myself sit back until I was in the exact position she'd been in all night. I looked up and I tried if could see what was on the ceiling that she had been watching the entire evening. It was still light outside when we sat down; it was dark now. Inside, everything was orange. Nobody had even closed the curtains.
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